Gun Gun
by AK74FU2
Summary: To be honest, I don't know why I wrote this. The idea came to me during graveyard shift. Not a self insert, an OC with a self inserted background. Not me, but it's my life and situation and thought processes. So, I find myself on Remnant after biting some dumb robber's bullet. I'll guess we'll just see what will happen, because I won't.


**I know I have that other story, but apparently I have this idea swimming around. I'd do a self-sinsert, but that'd be... commonplace. I'll include situations and objects from my life, but not myself if that makes any sense. To me it does... anyway I'll try to update that other one, but it's... complicated. Difficult to figure out where it goes.**

It's 11:34 in the night, and the shift couldn't be any more boring. Normally I'd have done some of my chores, but I simply didn't feel like it. Been watchin' the small part of Finding Nemo where Nigel was yelling shut up to the rats with wings, kept repeating it because it was funny to me.

It's Tuesday night, almost Wednesday. The Frito-Lay guy was coming sometime in the morning, John I think his name was. Dude's funny, but the old codger that brought the newspaper every morenig said he was full of shit.

To be honest, I didn't care. It's things like these that make graveyard a bit more tolerable. I'd be talking with Jesse right now, had his company not changed the routes and times of deliveries. Won't be seeing him again, and that bothered me.

Friggin' miss the bastard already... the handheld was sitting on the the middle register that we never. Fucking. Use. At. All... Seriously, if the boss wasn't so stingy with hours, there would be a third worker for second shift, there's like four during morning shift, so... what the fuck.

I'm rambling and whining again. I looked down at my phone to see that only two minutes had passed... I sighed before drinking some more soda. I stood there for too long, feet be hurtin' and energy levels are getting lower.

Keep on moving is what I'm told... it works, for the most part. Good thing I work at a Circle K where no robberies happen. Practically in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. Desert Hills... the valley that which no clouds seem to stay for long. Everywhere else I look in the distance, plenty of fucking clouds.

But when I look up... nothing, just blue sky and 110 degree weather. People say that Florida and Texas have it rough, what with their humidity that is the kicker for them. I say fuck em'.

Sure those two states more or less boil you, but being scorched for merely existing in this state is worse to me. I'd be happy for clouds, just no rain, no fucking rain at all. I don't want it, no one does.

Sure, everyone would love it, but trust me when I say this, it isn't a good thing. It's nice while it lasts, then afterwards this place is no different than Texas and the flaccid penis state.

Where was I... oh yes, that's right. I was merely minding my own business when two jokers came in with masks... and I'm just sittin' there goin' like, _Dafuq is this?_

Those guys weren't having it tonight it seemed, since they pulled some handguns out. I was a fan of pistols for awhile now so I knew a couple of Glocks when I saw em'.

"Empty out the register, now. This isn't your last night, so make it easy." one said, obviously sounding young. Fucking dumb fucks think they can mess with me? Oh, hell no.

I look at them with contempt, "Dude, I could care less about what you want, either you shoot me and do it yourself, or you can leave. Either way I really don't care."

I honestly have no idea why I said that, I wasn't suicidal, but now I think I just ended up that way. Fuckin' hell my big mouth knows no bounds.

While the two idiots looked contemplative, I took the time to hit the panic switch and locked the register down. They wouln't be able to get it open unless they had a crowbar.

"Fine by us." One said, before he leveled the pistol to my face. All the while I was merely wondering why the hell I talked like that.

Everything went black after that...

I opened my eyes, to see clouds... fucking clouds. _God damn clouds, the afterlife should be an endless void..._

To be completely honest here, I was hoping for that instead. I was never religious, and quite frankly never cared for the cause of most wars. I felt my face to where I clearly not remember the shot that landed there. Face felt normal, no holes with blood coming out... at least the afterlife had the decency to make me look healthy...

Well, as healthy as I remember myself to be. I moved my arm back down, only to feel my hand land on something. Grabbing the object, I laid eyes on the least expected thing.

The fucking handheld scanner... except it looked a tad bit different.

It wasn't worn and used, it looked sleek. It had a silvery shine to it, something I wouldn't put on a simple thousand dollar device.

I leveled the screen to where I normally see a bunch of different options, like AUDIT, RECIEVE, ORDER. That sort of thing. Only three options were there... upon closer inspection, these three little damn labels had three names to go with them.

Beam

Blast

Nuke

I wasn't very sure why it said that, considering the fact that hacking this thing would be completely counterproductive only for it to have three options instead of the normal 9 or so.

Curiosity got the better of me and I selected beam. To which the handheld reformed a little, the end where the scanner was located, simply extended itself and formed a sort of barrel at the end.

I got up to a standing position to try out the funny new feature. It seemed surreal for something like this to happen. To me, this damn thing might as well be an actual weapon, not the simple scanning laser I sometimes point at my coworkers out of fun. Let's just say that my boss didn't seem amused.

Back to the present, I aimed the handheld at a tree that happened to be to my left... and another to my right, behind me, in front of me. God damn I'm in a forest, last I remember the only "forest" we had where I was, simply were a few mosquite trees and jumping cacti. Lemme tell you, those jumping little bastards do actually fucking fly if you throw something at them.

I've had it happen too many times because of my dumb ass throwing fucking rocks at them.

Looking back at my supposed target, I pulled the trigger. What happened next was simply badass. The gun whined for a second before a stream of red blasted out of the barrel. The beam completely obliterated it, and I also was sent flying backwards into another tree.

"Fuck, was not ready for that... ow." I brought myself up to my feet to check the damage. The tree simply was no longer a single entity, the damn thing split in half. One half stayed, the other half broke off. Let me remind you that this tree was not small, not at all.

"..."

"Damn, that's a lot of damage."

I simply slapped myself for the unintended phrase from an overused meme. I groaned, before turning around to look around. Fun time was over and I wanted to know where in the afterlife I was in.

... Fucking bumfuck nowhere is where I'm at.

A distant howl caught my attention, before I saw red eyes looking at me. I calmly looked at them, before I looked at the handheld and pressed blast on it.

The barrel shortened a tad bit, the grip lengthened, becoming a bit more comfy in my hand. I held it aloft and pointed it at the eyes. The blast was basically the same recoil to when I went to the shooting range with a small 9mm.

Couldn't remember the maker, but damn was that little thing tiny. I knew guns more on name, than action. I never shot anything other than that peashoot.

Suffice to say, the blaster variant was a lot more manageable. I like it. The blast hit nearly instantaneously, a yelp was heard before the body of the aggressor simply disintigrated.

I looked at the handheld, smiling.

"Damn, I like this thing." I noticed the nuke option, but I immediately knew that this one was not gonna be used under any circumstances... whatsoever. Seriously, if it does what I think it does, I might as well use it when I feel bored. This is the afterlife after all... right?

Wait, if this was, then why is there red eyes? Beasts to hunt maybe? Doubt it, it's my afterlife. A few more howls filled the air before I got a decent look at what I was up against.

A motherfucking Beowolf. Seriously? I'm here? This ought to be my lucky day, the day of fuck your shit up. It's like whatever higher power is laughing at what they bastard did. Probably made me be here just to have a good laugh. Then again, if I was in charge, I'd probably be doing the same damn thing.

Who wouldn't want to throw in a random fucking nobody just for the sake of shits and gigs. Oh wait, that's right... wait, actually I don't know who wouldn't.

Sighing before aiming my newfound buddy, I fired it once more. To add a bit of badassery, I fired it one handed. Let's just say that I'll stick to two hands until I can keep a good grip.

The first blast made the beast cease to exist, simply making me laugh out loud as I shot more of the pestering things.

I shot two more out of the air, since I remember playing games for a long time. Just like a video game, except with no crosshairs and no HUD... Meh, I'll manage.

Taking a quick look at the screen, the spot where the battery symbol goes was simply not there. Did this thing have no limit or something. Or is there something eles the makes it never run out. Or maybe... wait we'll think later, shoot now.

I pressed beam once more to see how it'd do to the newly arriving Ursa, and I was quite impressed, the damn thing cut right through the bastard.

I had a sudden idea that struck my mind, the scene where Iron Man first used his laser weapon. I held the trigger, before spinning in a circle, making sure I wasn't gonna be pushed around by the recoil. Suffice to say, it was difficult, but doable.

I ended up cutting down all the tree in a few hundred feet diameter. Seems that the beam weapon weakens with distance. Good, wouldn't want the blast to carry itself continuously.

Whistling a low tune, I was liking my situation better and better. I will be honest, getting killed by robbers is quite saddening, since my life was cut short. But, maybe this was meant to happen. A new chapter in teh book we call life.

I stepped over trunks of fallen trees, and continued on my way to who knows where.

 **I'll be honest with you people, I've never done this before. The reason I never gave a name was because I was still thinking about what it should be. I'll give a description to the character.**

 **Short blonde hair, dark brown eyes and a fit physique. You guys think of an outfit and name since I'm lazy on that regard. Leave review on how you think of this story, flaming is not recommended, but I won't care either way. Give ideas on how this story should go, if I every go with it. At least I can start from somewhere.**


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